Lillian
closed the door as her son, all dressed in black, walked away. She set her keys
on the hutch, too numb to hang them properly on the pegboard and stepped out of
her heels. The kitchen counter was littered with flowers, unopened envelopes,
and prepared meals she’d been gifted, things she needed to put away, but she
walked blindly past them.
John’s
oxygen machine still sat next to the bed, along with his slippers, poised as if
waiting for his feet. Feet that would never wear them again. What was she going
to do with them?
Lillian
curled onto her side of the bed. The paper program still clutched in one hand
was her lifeline, her window to the past, the last evidence of the reality she
faced. Her fine black dress crinkled around her tucked knees, but she did
nothing to fix it.
The
program read: John Marlow Kasperson, beloved father and husband, born November
6, 1943, deceased March 17th, 2015.
This
last week bruised by in a flurry of phone calls, decisions and paperwork:
filing with insurance, purchasing a casket, reading a will, picking colors and
types of flowers, arranging speakers and musical numbers, selecting
pictures for a collage…
John
Jr. had done his best to ease her burden, but in the end, he was six-hundred
miles from home and running on empty. His wife and children desperately needed
him and he was torn between home, work and his mother’s need. It was best he’d
gone.
Now
Lillian was on her own.
Permanently.
She
clutched the paper tighter and closed her eyes.
***
The
ringing doorbell woke her. Sunlight streamed into the room, so it must be
mid-morning, but Lillian didn’t remember making the decision to fall asleep.
His
side of the bed was empty.
Again.
Like every morning.
Lillian
wriggled out of bed and aimed for the mirror. Dark circles ringed her eyes and
her hair lay flat on one side, sticking straight up on the other. She hadn’t
been to the beautician in the three weeks since his death. She hadn’t been
anywhere really since the funeral. The kitchen, the bathroom, the bedroom and
back.
The
doorbell rang again.
Maybe
they’d go away.
***
Lillian
felt less grimy after a shower, but she couldn’t stomach the toast she’d made.
Instead, she sipped her coffee and stepped out to the front stoop. She almost
tripped over the potted plant sitting in the middle of her porch. A bonsai
tree. Its limbs drooped under skeletal branches, nettles or leaves almost bare
and browning. A card had been slipped under one corner of the plant’s tray.
She
hefted the thing off her porch and carried it to the kitchen table. It was
the most pitiful plant she’d ever seen. The card that came with it said simply,
Koshi has been a little neglected, but
he’s a sweet tree. Here’s hoping he’ll bloom for you like he wouldn’t for me.
“Koshi?”
Lillian repeated. Who named a plant? That was just silly, but the poor thing
must be starved. She hurried away and got a cup of water. “At least you can
have a good drink, but I’m no good to care for you,” Lillian confessed. “I’m all
tired out and have nothing left to give. I’m ready to die and join my John.
You’d be better off with someone else.”
Did
she imagine it, or did the little plant’s limbs tremble as she poured the
water? Her lips twitched like they might pull up in a smile. “There you go,
little one.”
She
glanced around the counter, at the mess surrounding Koshi. Surely no plant
would like living in such a disaster zone. She should clean it up so Koshi had
a clean place to dwell, at least until she could find a better home for it.
***
The
kitchen looked better, and every time she passed through it, she spoke to
little Koshi. It was beginning to perk up a little, but the room was so drab,
she didn’t know how it could possibly thrive. She pulled back the curtains and
let the sunlight in. She’d always loved those curtains. They added just the
right shade of yellow to remind her of a summer’s day—like the day John
proposed to her at Heartford
Park . That had been an
amazing day. Her heart warmed with the memory and she recalled how much she loved
that place.
“You
know what, Koshi? I think I’m going to go for a walk.”
***
A
week went by, but little Koshi still was struggling. One day Lillian believed
he was recovering and his little limbs would sprout green chutes. The next he
looked to be on the brink of death again.
She
put on a decent blouse and pants, washed her face, did her hair, and went to
the store. She stopped into a nursery and asked what kind of plant food she
needed for a bonsai tree. The shop keeper directed her to a book about grooming
and feeding bonsai trees and helped her discover Koshi’s breed: Chinese Elm.
She thanked him, although she admitted she was only caring for the tree until
she could find a new home for it.
Koshi
liked his plant food. He responded well. She even discovered new buds springing
the next week, but he wasn’t growing as well as she hoped. She took him out
back to the fresh air, and the porch desperately needed cleaning after the
winter. The grass needed mowing, the leaves needed to be raked, and weeds
needed to be pulled from the flowerbed. Koshi must be overwhelmed by the
disaster of a yard.
Lillian
took him back inside, determined to do something about the disrepair.
***
Koshi’s
regular visits outdoor had done wonders. His little limbs brimmed with
greenery. The porch had been cleaned up, the yard maintained, and Lillian had
enjoyed many days of fresh air and invigorating work through the project. She
felt stronger than she had in years.
It
made her think of Margaret, her elderly next door neighbor who had to move into
a home a year ago. She’d loved Margaret’s cookies and friendship through the
years. What had become of her friend? She decided an excursion was in order.
Margaret
sat alone in a bed by a window. Despite the chipper yellow paint and white-lace
curtains, her friend’s hair, always done up, now sagged, and her lips, always
brimming with smiles, dipped toward depression. No hint of cookies or baking
filled the room, no cards or signs of friendship. A collection of framed photos
sat beside the aging woman, people she had loved and lost, people she loved and
never saw, people who had become little more than a memory.
Lillian
knew how her friend felt. More importantly, she knew what her friend needed. What
she had needed.
Margaret’s
head turned toward the door. Her eyes lit. “Is that my dear, old neighbor?”
Lillian
forced a smile. Koshi had healed her heart so much and he could do the same for
a lonely old woman in a care facility.
“Don’t
hate me, Koshi.”
***
Lillian
brought the little plant the very next day. Every week she visited Margaret—to
check in on Koshi and help her friend prune the little guy. She met other
residents of the home. Their loneliness weighed on her, but she knew how to
ease it. Each month she selected a new “target,” and gifted them with a bonsai
tree. By the end of the year, she held classes on taking care of their plant
companion for all the residents who were able. It wasn’t much, but it was
something.
She
told Koshi what wonderful things were happening because of him, and for the
millionth time, wondered where he had come from.
The
day Margaret died, she delivered him to the newest resident, just as her friend
had requested. He was the gift that kept giving.
That
evening, she sat at home pondering over it all: loss after loss, the sting of
death, the joy of giving, the renewal of a purpose. She remembered the first
time Koshi’s limbs began to bend from the weight of his leaves. She begged him
not to look as she pulled out the pruning sheers, promising, “This is going to hurt
so much, but it will help you grow. Be strong, little one.”
She
lifted the clippers and snip. His
little limbs trembled like he was screaming and she’d hated every second of the
task, but he grew stronger, he grew greener, and he’d brought so much joy
because of that painful choice.
Lillian
almost thought she heard a voice echoing the memory, saying, “Lillian, I know
taking John away hurt so much, but you are learning and growing in ways you’d
never have imagined. Be strong, little one. You have so much to give.”
Crystal Collier is an author who pens dark fantasy, historical, and romance hybrids, with the occasional touch of humor or inspiration. She can be found practicing her brother-induced ninja skills while teaching children or madly typing about fantastic and impossible creatures. She has lived from coast to coast and now calls Florida home with her creative husband, four littles, and “friend” (a.k.a. the zombie locked in her closet). Secretly, she dreams of world domination and a bottomless supply of cheese. You can find her on her HERE.
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